It's family: no do-over required

Ever wish you could repaint the canvas of your life or at the very least take back a harsh word or a stupid act? I think about it a lot lately. Would I make the same choices if I have to do it over?

I try not to live a life with regrets but some things forever haunt me. Whiplash words that have scarred and stained. Enraged actions that have crushed delicate bonds. Deep set wounding that can’t be taken back, smoothed over and repaired.

A few years ago after my Mom’s memorial service I got into a fight with my brother. Some awful things were said. Long overdue things that needed to be aired. Very painful to hear and say but necessary, very necessary. Amidst tears and rage I swore I would never speak to him again. I banished him from my life and I meant it too. For a few months that is, until some persistent paternal intervention forced a reconciliation. The old guilt card was played. “He’s your only sibling! You need family! Our family is very small.” And so it went.

So here we are last weekend, watching the All Blacks crunch South Africa in the dying minutes, a picture of my mom looking down at us from on high. Just like old times. No apologies, no do overs, just my partner in unspeakable childhood capers. My buddy. My bro.