Flutter

A book review of sorts

2007-12-06T19:36:00.000+02:00

This blog was partly inspired by Dusty Muffins blog entitled ‘Die Kind – Ingrid Jonker. After reading her blog I stumbled across this book in Durban's muggy airport- at Exclusive rip-off.

The book is entitled Black Butterflies – Selected poems by Ingrid Jonker after the several references to ‘black butterflies’ in her works. It is a absolutely riveting read and I literally could not put it down. I read half the book before I landed in Cape Town. If I had not gotten home at 1am I would have finished the book that night. Instead I read the second half leisurely the next evening, staring occasionally at the heaps of work I had due.

The introduction has been brilliantly written by Andre Brink one of Jonker’s ex lovers, a man several of the poems are inspired and dedicated to. The poems have been translated by Antjie Krog, one of South Africa’s foremost Afrikaans poets. The selection of poems, were specifically chosen to illustrate a good cross-section of Jonker's work and illustrate her masterful poetic skill. The book also provides an insight into the lives of many of South Africa's best artists and writers in the 60's.

Ingrid Jonkers life ended abruptly at the age of only 31, when she killed herself by drowning at a Seapoint beach in Cape Town. A veritable South African Sylvia Plath, Jonker's tragic life was filled with disappointment, tragedy and abuse. She had been admitted into Valkenberg Psychiatric Hospital following a ‘backdoor’ abortion which left her emotionally scared and traumatised. This combined by the rejection of her father left her seeking male approval for much of her life. A beautiful seductress she was linked to a string of famous lovers. Her emotional turmoil often lead to the rejection of her great loves which left her shattered and depressed. These experiences nevertheless served to enriched her work. Personally, I find her poetry poignant, beautiful and timeless. In short. Read the book. It’s bloody good.

I have selected three of my favourite poems from the book. They were originally published in Jonker’s sensational book Smoke and Ochre (1963) which received rave reviews and wide acclaim. I have unfortunately not been able to get my hands on it and have hence not quotes the original Afrikaans poems. If anybody has the Afrikaans versions pease post them so I will include them.

Last Night

last night in your arms
by the horseshoe moon
we picked a small clover
with four leaves on

today I am standing
in the yard by the bin
my heart all mistrusting
like a chicken in a tin

picking at one grain a stone
down the slope turning
love is nothing more
than the yearning

The troubadour’s ditty

At my house or where I roam
everywhere I’m almost home

in the chamber if the night
I forget sometimes I wait for light

but the instant which escapes the yoke
from ferris wheel or casual joke

finds the coldly gleaming ways
back to where your silence stays

back to the eagles of your sight
into the blue, lofty flight

until you drop me from your tongue
back on hard earth, unseen, unsung

Bitter-berry daybreak

Bitter-berry daybreak
bitter-berry sun
a mirror has broken
between me and him

I try to find the highway
perhaps to run away
but everywhere the footpaths
of his words lead me astray

Pinewood remember
pinewood forget
however much I lose my way
I step on my regret

Parrot-colour echo
tricks me tricks me on
until I turn beguiled
to retrieve the mocking song

Echo gives no answer
he answers everyone
bitter-berry daybreak
bitter-berry sun

Lazy days and Sundays

2007-12-03T21:18:00.000+02:00

I forbade the clocks.
Woke up late,
feet snuggled
in oversized funky
knitted socks.
Had me a pajama brunch
for one, in my red gown
corny furry animal slippers
(no they don't match)
Fighting off cats
for a space on the the couch,
munching marmalade
on toast with hot tea.
Crumbs all over
the coffee table,
carefully avoiding
'Aunty' Sharon's cookies.
Reading the Sunday paper
watching sickly sweet cartoons.

Bliss.

GREETINGS BLOGGERS AND WELCOME TO LIMERICK WEDNESDAY

2007-11-27T20:08:00.000+02:00

After the seriousness of the last two days I though a little light-hearted verse was in order. I hope my actions have not scared too many of you away and you are still willing to participate, and like me - learn a thing or three.

What is a Limerick?
A Limerick is a five line poem that dates back to fourteenth century England. Limericks were short short, easily composed and often contained terms of a coarse and sexual nature. They were often recited by working classes and beggars in English pubs and taverns of the fifteenth, sixteenth and seventeenth centuries. As the poets that created limericks were viewed as drunks, Limericks were often view as rude and vulgar in nature.

The word ‘Limerick’ is thought to be named after an old Irish town of Limerick. It is believed that drunken pubs and taverns across England would sing out "Will you come up to Limerick?" where these ‘lewd‘ naughty songs were sung.

Limericks were sometimes used in nursery rhymes and other poems for children, such as this popular one:

Hickory Dickory Dock
The mouse ran up the clock
The clock struck one
The mouse ran down
Hickory Dickory Dock

How does one write a Limerick?
Simple, write a five-lined poem of varied length, in a manner that combines a triplet and a couplet . (A triplet is a three-line rhymed poem. A couplet a two-lined rhyming poem.) It is important to note that the rhythm is as important as the rhyme in this style of poetry.

Traditionally Limericks should be risque, without offending the majority of it's readers . This may prove a challenge for some bloggers but give it a bash(not literally that is), although literal devices are very much part of Limericks. As are puns, juxtapositions, idioms and figurative expressions. Most importantly, Limericks should be funny and contain a punchline , 'the heart of the joke'.

Some examples to help you put them together:

When limerick writers convene,
Their reason for making the scene,
Is to make tepid jokes,
Meant for church going folks,
Into verses perverse and obscene.
By Pierce Evans

And let me the canakin clink, clink;
And let me the canakin clink
A soldier's a man;
A life's but a span;
Why, then, let a soldier drink.
By Shakespeare from Othello (Act II Scene III)

There once was a fellow from Xiangling
Whose greatest delight was in mangling
Poems. He would drop
Words between lines and lop
Their ends off, and leave readers dang
By Elliott Moreton

Or this one, an alternate limerick edited version created by Shakespeare based on his famous Sonnet 116, “Let me not to the marriage of true minds” (one of my favourite favourites):

I once loved a lassie from Greenleigh
Whose comportment was naught short of queenly.
When she grows old and stout,
Wracked with chilblains and gout,
I'll embrace her no less, but more keenly

What is the Limerick format and rythym?

1. The limerick format is a A A B B A rhythym pattern.
2. Lines 1, 2 and 5 containing a three beat rhyme and have 7 to 10 syllables that rhyme with one another.
3. Lines 3 and 4 have a two beat rhyme and have a five to seven syllables which also rhyme with each other.

This is just a guide as you can see from the examples quotes. The example below tries to explain a limerick in the poem and illustrates the use of repeated lines:

There was a young poet quite fine,
Whose limericks repeated a line.
Though this was redundant,
Though this was redundant,
His limericks repeated a line.
By Carl Muckenhoupt

There was a young cannibal Ned,
Who used to eat onions in bed;
His mother said, "Sonny,
It's not very funny,
Why don't you eat people instead ?
By Gillian Nash

A newspaper poet for Hearst
Deprived of his reason
By uncontrolled sneezing
Was by phantasmal demons coerced
To write all of his limericks reversed.
By Elliott Moreton

About the only way I could get this right was to tap or clapping out the A A B B A rhythm as you compose. I suggest tapping on the desk as opposed to snapping your fingers - you co-workers look less strangly at you. It helps to think of funny situations, places, names and expressions. You will soon pick up the distinctive beat and rhyming pattern of all Limericks.

A flea and a fly in a flue
Were caught, so what could they do?
Said the fly, "Let us flee."
"Let us fly," said the flea.
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
Anonymous

And finally, two examples written by Edward Lear:
There was a Young Lady of Portugal,
Whose ideas were excessively nautical:
She climbed up a tree,
To examine the sea,

But declared she would never leave Portugal.
There was an Old Man with a nose,
Who said, 'If you choose to suppose,
That my nose is too long,
You are certainly wrong!'
That remarkable Man with a nose.

Confession

2007-11-22T14:42:00.000+02:00

Ok, I can't take it anymore. The guilt is eating me alive like a gazillion fire ants on a man covered in honey. The stress!? Don't even get me started on the stress!
So here goes...

I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT "IMFAO" means or "IMAO" for that matter.

Words cannot fully express how it pisses me off to read it. It pains me - no really it does. Seeing someone write "LOL" or something equally 24.com just fucking grates my nerves. Kinda like listening to my sex crazed cat screeching throughout the night or finger nails on a chalkboard. It fucking annoys me ok. My brain doesn't process abreviations - I dunno why. It just fucking doesn't.

So ja, not that I got that off my chest. What the fuck does it mean? Anyone?

Me? PMS? Never

____________________________________________________

Comments:

November 22, 2007 - 15:38 — kachasu
flutterbye
here. just for you: http://home.versateladsl.be/bavertel/fun/swf_ani/monitor_cleaner.swf

November 22, 2007 - 15:46 — Flutter
KC
Can't open this site? What gives?

November 22, 2007 - 15:24 — Dolce
I hate 'em too, Fluts
fukkin' lots.

November 22, 2007 - 15:45 — Flutter
Ja D...
Worse still you meet this cool guy and he sms's in that weird text format.The attraction fades fast I tels yeh.

November 22, 2007 - 15:47 — Dolce
I was thinking Fluts
what if you and I date the same guy? We should chat!

November 22, 2007 - 15:50 — dex
errr
AGAIN?!

November 22, 2007 - 15:53 — Dolce
Something about
great minds and fools, Dex.

November 22, 2007 - 16:14 — Flutter
Erm...
And who would be the fool in this scenario?
ok it's me. I get it. sigh ...

November 22, 2007 - 15:12 — kachasu
*ahem*
can i ask if a secret ballot was held in which it was agreed that we would not swear?
this cutesie stuff is a bit, well, 24.

and if flutter posts one more fluffy bunny, i will fucking crack.

November 22, 2007 - 15:22 — Flutter
Confession 2
I love cute fluffy images. I find them soothing. I blame my parents - I was deprived of plushies as a child. My mother was a nurse and believed fur carried germs See it ain't my fault. We have already established that you were just about smothered with them as a child so we know where that comes from.
No sure where my psycosis with abreviations comes from, seeing as I can't spell for shite anyway.
* I will be saving those fluffy bunnies for just the right moment.... Bwhahahaa..

November 22, 2007 - 15:34 — kachasu
flutts - a disgrace to the blogging community

November 22, 2007 - 15:43 — Flutter
I'll use them sparingly OK
* evil grin *

November 22, 2007 - 15:50 — Dusty Muffin
Fluff for Flutts
Have you discovered lolcats?
I found it recently and have to confess that I keep going back.
*squirm*

November 22, 2007 - 16:08 — Flutter
Oh my Dusty...
I can't believe people comunicate that way. My brain is fried reading this...
" An Happy Thanksgiving to awl frum mee! Ai gotz to put the pyooter away fur a while cuz it’s nermally awn teh dining room tabul - and the time has come to set teh tabul with dishes n stuff!.
Teh turkey goes in teh oven in 3/4 hour - I’m nawt quite awn schdule - butt awl guests will at leest have a place to sit down!!
Hope all is going as well fur awl of yoo - and to awl r deer frenz whoo r thinking of us even though they don’t have this holiday - cheers to you and - oh deer - ai wish you awl cud bee heer.
We’re having turkey and ham and gravee and dressing and corn “stuff” and candied sweet potatoes and greeen been casserole and lima beens (mai personal favoriet) and two kinds of cole slaw and fresh cranberry relish and hot biscuits and mashed potatoes and apple pies and cream cheese pie (whipped cream fur the pies). Ai think that’s about it.
OMG - almoast forgot teh moast important thing. Mai funneh sister Pyzi is bringing a “Ritz salad” as well. You know, teh wun from Fawlty Towers when the guest wanted a Waldorf salad and Basil improvised?
Just have a few moar things to “whisk out of site” - and then ai will indeed bee verree thankful indeed!!
Love to you allJanet "

November 22, 2007 - 15:31 — Arbchick
Um Fluts...dammit
and we were getting on so well, I thought!

November 22, 2007 - 15:44 — Flutter
Arbie
You have too extremely cute little girls - come on! You're telling me you don't like cute things. I'm not fooled but teh gothy raven hair. Its just a disguise!

November 22, 2007 - 15:10 — Dusty Muffin
Flutts
Here's a website which lists all of them. Some of them are very funny, but there's no way I'm going to waste time learning them, because @TEOTD IDC, and IHA.
kthxbai.

November 22, 2007 - 15:59 — Flutter
Thanks Dust
Very enlightening. Some of those are just bloody weird. What kind of conversation would you be having if you said:
GSYJDWURMNKH: Good Seeing You, Just Don't Wear Your Monkey

HatIANNNGC: I Am Not Nurturing the Next Generation of Casualties

NIFOC: Nude In Front Of The Computer

BTFO: Bend The F*** Over

BOCTAAE: But Of Course There Are Always Exceptions

BSBD&NE: Book Smart, Brain Dead & No Experience

BTWITIAILW/U : By The Way I Think I Am In Love With You

November 22, 2007 - 16:00 — dex
HAHA! Fluts -
I like BTFO.
BTFO!

November 22, 2007 - 16:21 — Flutter
DEX - YS
RUMCYMHMD?STPPYNOZGTW!
LYKYAMY
F

November 22, 2007 - 14:48 — morticia
lmfao!
laugh my fecking ass off... or just plain old lmao without the fecks, see?
rofl - roll on floor laughing
dont know the rest - not a hip mixit chick.

November 22, 2007 - 14:52 — Flutter
Mixit?
That silly cellphone craze thing.Bloody hell. A teacher friend of mine compaines that his students write english essays and answer exam papers is sms or mixit text. What is our world coming to?
We gotta set an example people!

November 22, 2007 - 14:54 — morticia
sorry. cant let the lmao go!
i dont do the other shitty text chops, but i like this one!

November 22, 2007 - 14:47 — Arbchick
I don't know either Fluts...
but don't give a toss, really!

November 22, 2007 - 14:48 — dex
LMAO
@ Fluts + Arb

November 22, 2007 - 14:55 — Flutter
FU2
Dex LMAO @ FLUTS + ARB = LMFAO@DEX

November 22, 2007 - 14:59 — Arbchick
Um five words (whole ones) Fluts
painkillers and hot water bottle

November 22, 2007 - 15:04 — Flutter
Thanks Arb
Tried that. Painkillers make me sleepy and have a deadline! When it rains it pours.

November 22, 2007 - 15:01 — dex
Yeah Fluts
leave the broom by the door and take a nice relaxing ride on you menstrual cycle.

November 22, 2007 - 15:07 — Flutter
Dexasterous
Ur so funeee.
I mean that you're a funny blogger.Funny strange not funny hahah.

November 22, 2007 - 15:03 — Arbchick
Dexipoo....you're gonna get hurt
DUCK...DUCK NOW! Sheeeet dude - you're either VERY BRAVE or VERY STUPID!!! Man - the reply to this one should be special.

November 22, 2007 - 14:49 — Arbchick
OK Laugh My Ass Off
Dexipoo...you give it away so easily!

There’s a demon in my review

2007-11-18T02:37:00.000+02:00

So I have been doing a bit of a purge. An internal cleansing. A emotional detox. A mind vacumn. Ok that last one is a bit ambiguous. It’s a vacumn so there ain’t nutting to clean. My heart on the other hand has been coagulated with toxic people. Constricting my soul. Bending my already warped (and fragile) playing field.

I went to see a hynotherapist. Terribly interesting woman. A very serious don’t-fuck-with me disposition but soft sparkly green-grey eyes and spikey dark brown hair that’s straight out of a manga cartoon. She had a firm, soothing voice and spent a very long time explaining her thinking, how this worked, how it would benefit me and if I was ok with it all. I took it all in, trying desperatey to hide my nervousness, knowing full well that I wasn’t fooling her for one teensy little nanosecond.

We chatted for what seemed like hours until finally, after 90mins she told me she was leaving the room for 5 mins. I was to empty my bladder, get myself comfortable and take some long deep breaths. I tried, really I did, but succeeded only to reduce myself into a mild hyperventilative state.

She comes back and sits very close to me. A little too close, and rests her hand on my shoulder squeezing gently. I inhaled her herby aromatherapy scent and without a single word uttered from her, drifted into an incredibly relaxed state. It was all very surreal. The room grew very silent and all I wanted to do was shut my eyes and sink into slumber. As if sensing this she squeezed my shoulder and waved her hand infront of my face, keeping me focused. And so it began.

It started three months ago when I began having difficulty sleeping. Then the nightmares started again and very, very old festering wounds came bubbling to the surface once more. I had to go digging in them, again, to get them to heal. It is an ongoing process for me, this one of forgetting. Well maybe forgetting isn't exactly it - that would be impossible. More like letting it receed into the background. Where I know its there and I can draw from it’s darkness, only this time - strength instead of sadness and courage instead of fear.

I wonder sometime about our ability to sabotage our own lives on a subconsciece level. I wish I knew where the flick switch was so I could stop doing it. Wish I could cover it with 9 inches of concrete and never go there again. Never have to go there again. Why do I go there, again ?
So three and a half hours later I felt cleaner, free-er, healthier. Whole again. A lighter, a little brighter, like I had exorcised a few demons. Well, until next time that is. It never quite goes away, it just fades into the background. But only if I let it.
_____________________________________________________
Comments:

November 19, 2007 - 11:03 — Dolce
Fluts
I've often wondered if I could go under; got a pretty tight stranglehold on consciousness (read: control). But this has made me think...

November 19, 2007 - 08:24 — morticia
also want to flutts
but i want a regressive hypnotherapist - want to go waaay back - so will probably have to look at esoteric practitioners?

November 19, 2007 - 10:32 — Flutter
Hi Mort
The regressive stuff can be overwhelming. I didn't do the past lives thing but maybe one day. You will be surprised how many non-esoteric practictioners there are that do that stuff. Its not for everyone and one has to be braced.

November 19, 2007 - 10:58 — morticia
i've had some insight
but not in depth... from the esoterics - and it made a lot of sense - to me. i'm more afraid of spending the rest of my days not understanding the aspects of my soul that have no foundation is this life.

November 19, 2007 - 11:01 — Flutter
Morty
For the most part I feel the same - curiosty is a dangerous thing though. I just wonder how it all fits in. What lessons I have learnt in previous lives that I had skipped and how that come to unfold in this one. Context stuff but ja, most of us have enough work trying to figure our this lifetime.

November 19, 2007 - 09:04 — Arbchick
No Morts...more like
an EXCORCIST!! Sorry honey - couldn't resist...just yanking your braid!

November 19, 2007 - 09:06 — morticia
cheaper alternative?
a mean arsed biker in an obscure town, a carton of smokes and a bottle of rotgut - thats my kind of exorcise!

November 19, 2007 - 09:08 — Arbchick
Morts
there is no hope *sigh*
Oh, and thank God for that!

November 19, 2007 - 09:12 — morticia
good boys dont want me
well, except d - and i like people who have confronted bigger beasts than me. not into psychologists - i pay them to hear my self analysis - pointless.
again - the stain'd song we spoke of - maybe i seek what i see within myself - looking for home arb...

November 19, 2007 - 08:13 — Dusty Muffin
Fluts
Good on yer for confronting it. Your strength and resolve are a very good foundation. Hang in there!

November 19, 2007 - 10:33 — Flutter
Thanks Dust..
Its been a long hard road but I am getting there.

November 18, 2007 - 19:03 — Arbchick
Good for you fluts
and no they NEVER go away...those bad things, but if you're lucky, you will find ways of coping...looks like you have sweetness....good girl.

November 19, 2007 - 10:34 — Flutter
Arbie...
The biggest realisation I have made is accepting that these things never go away. Once you have mad that mind shift - everything fall into place a bit better and one finds alot of peace I find.

November 19, 2007 - 10:38 — Arbchick
True Flutter
But unfortunately, we don't live in a vacuum...influences in our lives sometimes awaken the dead. Anyway, this stuff - for another time, me thinks.

November 18, 2007 - 16:52 — kachasu
demons
hey flutts. that is brave of you. the way my demon-seeking has worked so far is that the longer i stay sober (nearly five years now) the more I find. i am grateful for that. because, if i had forced some of the memories, i may not have been able to cope with what came out of pandora's box. it seems that as long as i do what i can as far as working my steps, praying and meditating, the god of my own understanding gives me these things when i am strong enough to not feel agony.
after all, alcoholism is a symptom of something big black and ugly.
i have found that the inner saboteur me has slipped into the background and i recognise it when it shows its ugly little face. good luck. i thought about doing the hypnotherapy, but i am really glad i didn't. some of the things i have seen in myself and remembered would have shattered me into a million pieces if i were unprepared.

Novembents r 19, 2007 - 10:40 — Flutter
KC...
Our inner saboteurs are quite something aren't they? Self destructive little time bombs waiting to go off.

Hynotherapy is not for everyone. I tried it 7 years ago - unprepared and was completely beside myself. There is an interesting technique now that let people process things without remembering anything about the sessions until your therapist feels your (sub)/conscious mind can handle it. I was asked if I wanted the option but felt a bit nervous. You really have to really trust your therapist and be sure that they know what they are doing. I looked for the right person for a long time before deciding on her.

November 18, 2007 - 15:57 — dex
hey Flutsey
damned scary thing, i reckon - opening the door so someone can get inside your mind. You brave blogger.
glad to hear that it's helping.

November 19, 2007 - 10:42 — Flutter
Quiet daunting Dexie...
But oddly liberating. Sometimes in letting people see who you really are - the apparent shame of things is lost and you see that you are not this sad damaged person but just another person, struggling through issues. That you are really ok. Took me a while to figure that out.

November 18, 2007 - 14:23 — bluepete
frightened
hey flutter, I read this helpful quote yesterday. Bion says, "In every consulting room there ought to be two rather frightened people: the patient and the therapist. If they are not, one wonders why they are bothering to find out what everyone knows".
I think it's good to be a bit anxious, especially when you're facing some of the demons from the past. But, as you say, exorcising them a bit at a time is the only way.That's sort of what I was saying in my blog yesterday. We quiet the mind (through hypnotherapy, sleep, yoga whatever) and often quite scary stuff comes out. Then the challenge is either to run away from it or try to deal with it the best we can. Good luck, sister.

November 18, 2007 - 15:02 — Flutter
Hey BP
Thanks. Fortunately I am at the stage where I am not fighting it any more. Just desperate to get better - move on. Just sometimes I forget and slip back in that scary pit. It was an interesting experience I must say and the effects are incredible and quite instant - which is a little scary.

November 18, 2007 - 18:09 — nossie
Fluts
You be a brave, brave blogger...but they say one has to face those demons to conquer them...scary shit...but you've taken that first step so just keep going. Respect.

November 19, 2007 - 10:52 — Flutter
Thanks Nos...
You are quite a brave person yourself. A brave blogger too. Much respect.

GREETINGS BLOGGERS AND WELCOME TO HAIKU FRIDAY!

2007-11-15T21:47:00.000+02:00

Some of you are groaning. Please stop that!

This is supposed to be fun and you may even learn a thing or three. Let me be clear from the outset. I am no expert. Part of the reason I am doing this is to learn. I have borrowed bits and pieces of this from various places and Haiku boffins out there, please don’t bite my head off! I have tried to make this as simple as possible to encourage people to participate. All you have to do is follow Points 1 to 4 below.

Point 1: “What do you have we have to do?” Simple, make all you comments on the blog today in ‘haiku’ format. * Bloggers failing to comply will have all their blogs and comments posted in shocking pink. I hear. gulp. *

Point 2: “What is a ‘haiku’?” Haiku is an ancient style of Japanese poetry. It is often moving and inspirational and has the ability to capture a period in time, a moment, places and feelings into just a few words. For me personally, the beauty of Haiku lies in the succint way one can express oneself poetrywise. They say 'less is more'.

Point 3: “How does one ‘haiku’?” Much like good sex, a haiku has four essential elements:
1. a rhythm2. it encapsulates a moment3. it embodies a spirit4. it involves a ‘thing’ of some sort
Just think: rhythm, moment, spirit, thing. Haiku masters will also embody the following elements for a sure winner.

- maintaining the haiku ‘spirit’
- a sense of 'presence' (context, a season etc)
- success with juxtaposing images- appropriateness of the subject matter
- poetic taste
- poets sense of proportion in choosing the right form

Point 4: "What is the haiku format?"
The oldest and more complex form of traditional Japanese haiku is called Tanka and dates back to the 12th century. Traditionally haiku's have an odd number of syllables - usually up to 31 syllables. You can see some examples of 31 syllable Tanka at the bottom of the page.
The simplest and most popular form of Haiku though, is made of 17 syllables, which was traditionally written as a single sentence in a single line. A more formal and modern interpretation is the 5-7-5 rhythm three line format. This is just a guide as can be seen in the examples of haiku below.

It is important to note about Haiku poems usually have two images although some can have a single image such as this one:

Eg. Typical single-image Haiku formats.
like gold beaten to it’s utmost thinness
(Basho – a Japanese Haiku master - translated)

Others follow the more traditional two-image format. The second image is usually divided by a 'cutting word' or punctuation which can be seen in some of these:

Eg. Typical two-image, 17 syllable haiku formats. Note the use of the 5-7-5 syllable rhythm in some of them. Also note that this rhythm format is flexible and pick up on the moment, spirit and 'things'.

Still unopened
The greenish hydrangea flowers:
The taste of tea (Cicely Hill)

At last I am leaving:
in rainless skies, a cool moon…
pure is my heart
(Senseki - translated)

Farewell…
I pass as all things do
dew on the grass.
(Banzan - translated)

On a journey, ill:
my dream goes wandering
over withered fields.
(Basho)

Since time began
the dead alone know peace.
Life is but melting snow.
(Nandai - translated)

Eg. Up to 31 syllable Tanka formats.

Trailing on the wind,
The smoke from Mount Fuji
Melts into the sky.
So too my thoughts –
Unknown their resting-place.

(Priest Saigyo – translated)

Sixty-six times
have these eyes beheld the
changing scene of autumn.
I have said enough about moonlight,
Ask no more.
Only listen to the voice of pines
and cedarswhen no wind stirs.
(Ryonen - translated)

See! It's really easy. It is a challenge but try your best and there is no such thing as silly haiku.
________________________________________
Comments:

November 17, 2007 - 17:12 — Valhalla
I got it all wrong!
Counted words instead of syllables!! Ah sighs. Welcome to the jungle of underachievement, Slash said. My humble apologies. But it was great, thanks Flutts & Dex. (don't trust the bastard though but my heart still has a place for him.)

November 16, 2007 - 17:45 — Flutter
The end draws near...
I think Haiku Friday was a smash. Hats off to Val, Ramon, Gary, Dolce and Echoes who are particularly gifted in the art of Haiku and special kudos to everyone who gave it a bash. It was good fun!

Mort, glad you're feeling better and will hold you haiku-ing us when you're up to it.Cheers all. Lekker naweek... alcohol beckons...

November 17, 2007 - 16:45 — Ramon
Flutter
You are pretty damn good yourself. And it was an excellent day - one of the best! Next year again, Haiku organiser?

November 17, 2007 - 17:08 — Flutter
Thanks Ramon
I had great fun too and I learnt so much from the guru's - yourself included. I am looking forward to many more learning sessions. Will think about some more interesting Friday fun.
How are you?

November 17, 2007 - 17:18 — Ramon
Damn fine, Flutter
Life goes on and all that.Going to Bangkok on Thursday for some training course and will be staying with old Vaan. I'll see if I can score another shirt or two.
Flu gone, then?

November 17, 2007 - 18:00 — Flutter
Ramona
Last dregs hanging around but on the mend I think. Doesn't help that every other person has it too. My dad has been struck doen with a particularly bad strain - jeez.
Enjoy Bangkok!! Say hello to Vaan - handsome devil and have fun. Vaan's T-shirts are cool. I wore mine on Diwali :-)

November 17, 2007 - 07:24 — nossie
Fluts
and mine??? Pffffft.

November 17, 2007 - 16:36 — Flutter
And Nos!!
I am sorry. You were great too. I particularly like this one.
It's hard enough to
speak my mind tho' the words are there
my own silence deafens me.

It speaks to me as does your frangipani one - for reasons I cannot explain here.

November 17, 2007 - 20:30 — nossie
Flutter
The silence of the Lambs, hey?

November 17, 2007 - 20:43 — Flutter
Lambchops
Mmhhh... :-)
How are you and your doing? Better?

November 17, 2007 - 20:46 — nossie
With a hint of
mint...yeah, better now. Time heals most of what ails us...physically.

November 17, 2007 - 20:52 — Flutter
I can't do a roast lamb
or beef for that matter. It's always stringy or dry or just plain crap.
Glad to hear it and sadly the emotional stuff will take alot more time. Does she have a better retraining order? Is he in jail yet?

November 17, 2007 - 20:57 — nossie
Yep...
the bastard is where he belongs...in jail...awaiting trial...no bail...and he's a pretty boy....he WILL get his, I'm sure.
As for the roast lamb...mine is legendary.
Poke the leg full of garlic, butter and rosemary.Add 3 cups of water to roasting dish.Place (closed) dish/pot in oven overnight at 100 degrees C.
it will fall off the bone - garuenteed.

November 17, 2007 - 21:04 — Flutter
Overnight?
Never thought of that. Last year's xmas roast was a disaster and I am determined to get it right this year. Shame everyone was so polite. That sounds way to easy but will give it a bash! Any cool receipes for a beef pot roast. My Italian friend's mom did this legendary rosemary beef pot roast but sadly has died with the receipe and my friend is traipsing around Germany.

November 17, 2007 - 21:08 — nossie
Overnight!!
You cannot go wrong. Just warn everyone that the oven is on for a purpose...I've had hubbee turn it off late one night before a big family lunch only to discover naught had happened in the oven overnight....we had a braai instead. Roast beef...pretty much the same only add mustard seeds and red wine instead of water. Good luck!!

November 16, 2007 - 17:46 — dex
pffft.
well, i just didn't want to do it well, okay.
-- picks lip off floor and shuffles away.

November 16, 2007 - 17:53 — Flutter
Dexie
I suck worse than you,
wait! or is that, I suck better
than you? ag whatever!

November 16, 2007 - 11:23 — kachasu
Kayoda say
haiku is for those who live on msg
and have very smellytoes.

November 16, 2007 - 11:27 — Flutter
Amiflutter says

she who has smoke breath
should not cast first stone, for glasshouses,
I do not design

November 16, 2007 - 11:37 — kachasu
Kayoda says
queens should beware of fate
in store like her majesty marie antoinette
who cannot eat cake again...
because, amiflutter, her head
was lobbed off by an angry mob.

November 16, 2007 - 11:42 — Flutter
Amiflutter says
what's this angry mob
of which KaYoda speaks? I can
eat cake gluten free

November 16, 2007 - 11:47 — kachasu
Kayoda says
Mob of one, small jedi is.
Angry, quick, happy to smack stick
against haiku and poetry pricks.

November 16, 2007 - 12:05 — Flutter
AmiFlutter says

solitary jedi
dwarfed by smack? I fear
you have not enough whip!

bring your mob and pit
against haiku wit typhoon,
small windy bag you.

November 16, 2007 - 11:59 — Dolce
Small Jedi
Small Jedi indeed
dwergie on attack again
beware your ankles!

November 16, 2007 - 12:01 — kachasu
hahahaha
oh dolce...
you funny blogette.

November 16, 2007 - 10:47 — Echoes
Dum de dum
Writing her memoirs
The bemused flutter
reads her first haiku

November 16, 2007 - 10:53 — Flutter
Echoes...
I like the quiet
echoes of your words that resound long
after I have read them

November 16, 2007 - 11:03 — Echoes
Flutter
Words that taps your
imagination
Fluttering around
your conscious mind madly
Seeking recourse
in quiet contemplation

November 16, 2007 - 11:20 — Flutter
Too true Echoes
too madly these words
flutbutterflies only live so longbefore
exhaustion takes over

November 16, 2007 - 11:24 — Echoes
Flutter gods
Butterflies are
but winged gods
Briefly breathing sun
into our world Let them
flutter by reverentially

November 16, 2007 - 11:33 — Flutter
Echoes
I shall then, flutter
words across new and strange lands
bathing in my warm sun

November 16, 2007 - 11:38 — Echoes
Double flutter
Until snatched by flutterby hunters
You struggle briefly in green net
Pinned forever to white death
Your winged beauty echoes on
But for steel pins of death
Wonder for hunter and child

November 16, 2007 - 11:52 — Flutter
Echoes
your words speak great truths
green traps savage, await me
all I have to give I fear,
is wingless offerings, not enough
for this mothy gifted mass

November 16, 2007 - 11:59 — Echoes
Flutter Reborn
But renew you will
Escape from your netted hell imminent…
through death you will live
Them come back - bring sun
and summer, happy memories in fields
Of lavender and echoing dreams

November 16, 2007 - 12:18 — Flutter
If only you knew Echoes...
constantly renewed
everyday, this ghostly place
soars with smiles my soul
sunny fragrant dreams
happy tears carve new
paths a-cross, jaded hearts

November 16, 2007 - 12:32 — Echoes
And we stumble on Flutter
life - a vicious circle
drags us along, our jaded hearts
constantly broken and mended
as our cursed nature
requires yearning to love forever -
lust mere thieves of hearts

November 16, 2007 - 10:24 — Flutter
Adminguy
You need to chill bru
storm in teacups should not rile
you so. Deep breaths Dex!

November 16, 2007 - 10:32 — dex
Fluts
a knife in the dark
is sometimes justified as
a means to an end.

November 16, 2007 - 10:38 — nossie
Adminguy
You are a dark knight
with a caring warm heart buried deep
may you shine on eternally.

November 16, 2007 - 10:37 — Flutter
AG I think
silence strikes greater fear
than death cut by deft finger
strokes, or so I hear

November 16, 2007 - 10:42 — Flutter
ok...
your point speaks to me
like shit it fades into dus
tlet itches be scratched

November 16, 2007 - 10:37 — Dolce
Adminguy
Adminguy, did you just
do what I think you did?
Knight to Bishop 4

November 16, 2007 - 10:40 — nossie
Adminguy
64 block on the board
be you king or pawn black or white
history comes to us rejoicing.

November 16, 2007 - 10:45 — Arbchick
adminguy
another kindness
would be to delete all
signs of his existence

November 16, 2007 - 10:54 — Arbchick
Adminguy
thank you sexy thingyou are amazing you know we're very grateful

November 16, 2007 - 10:56 — adminguy
shhh
quiet, leetle cheeckin
let us not dwell on events
that never took place ;)

November 16, 2007 - 10:40 — adminguy
he looks to the sky whistles
he looks to the sky whistles a tune: whateverare they referring to?

November 16, 2007 - 08:46 — Valhalla
5-7-5
They speak in ancient tongues
cold honey leaks from the secret mouth
bees shiver in frozen flowers

November 16, 2007 - 10:15 — Dolce
Halla
Again, I'm humbled
by the beauty of your verse
Sensory art work

November 16, 2007 - 08:37 — dex
Another world 1st:
i can like to build
the first Benoni Haiku.roll your R's, mo-fo.
i am deep like Boksburg lake.

November 16, 2007 - 09:43 — Flutter
Deksel
kwatmeisterrr drrrreams of me?
like Boksburg lakes deep frrrreee wild
frrrreeee speech Flutterrrrrrrrr.......

November 16, 2007 - 08:41 — Dusty Muffin
Dex
Ag man Dex you knowYou make me fall off my chairI can like to laugh

November 16, 2007 - 10:17 — Dolce
Schmex
My rrrrs rolls perfectwhen I'm wearing a jean pantand a high heel shoe.

November 16, 2007 - 08:22 — kachasu
sounds like shit to me
so, i will hang out on my forums for haiku friday.
you lot are such poetry snobs.
*mutter*

November 16, 2007 - 11:13 — Flutter
KC
i see you watchingfrom fringes. Me thinks you have uch to offer this end

November 16, 2007 - 08:24 — dex
Ah.
i see it was a moooo-sli morning, Pixie.

November 16, 2007 - 08:26 — kachasu
i am groovy dex
just so long as i don't picked on for lack of haiku.

November 16, 2007 - 08:31 — dex
ag KC
who will pick on you?you've been spoken of the world over;mountains tremble in fear.

November 16, 2007 - 11:16 — Flutter
Dexie
tis true ja, KC strikes
fear into the most warring heart
cowering like lambs

November 16, 2007 - 08:38 — Dusty Muffin
KC - Haiku 101
You just write three lines with syllables in each, of three, five and then three.
You will need fingersto make sure you do it right.There! Done and dusted.

November 16, 2007 - 08:51 — kachasu
i don't care!
bloody haiku nazi flutter is.

November 16, 2007 - 09:37 — Flutter
Excellent KC...
single image haiku brilliant Thatch

November 16, 2007 - 08:46 — dex
dusty
its 5-7-5 isn't it?

November 16, 2007 - 09:34 — Dusty Muffin
Dex
you are a smartie
and today you win the prize.
What’s your wish, Master?

November 16, 2007 - 09:40 — dex
Dusts
simple man, I am
-feet in a cold, clean river
is all that i want.

November 16, 2007 - 10:12 — Flutter
Yeh...
Mmhh.. rainbow rivers
colour mundane days with
fresh splashes of light

November 15, 2007 - 22:05 — dex
err
not so very sure
i am, of whether i have
what is needed here.

November 15, 2007 - 22:23 — Flutter
...
why Dex, you haiku
winter croaks broken chainsaw
men have poor rythym

November 15, 2007 - 22:53 — Arbchick
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr DEX
just grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Change

2007-10-19T10:53:00.000+02:00

When I was seventeen, a long, long time ago, the movie Cry Freedom had just been banned and I was on a leadership programme with some 60 kids from all over Natal. It was called Edutrain, and was sponsored by the large UK computer company Unisys. We lived on a train for ten days travelling around the country, learning about our countries social issues, economics and politics. Nelson Mandela was still in prison and it was a frustrating time for our country.

For me at seventeen , it was my first interaction with kids of a different race. Thinking back today, it is almost impossible to relate back to that time. More especially when I consider that my friends today are from every ethnic group and numerous nationalities.

Two experiences from that trip always stick out in my mind. The first was something a game park ranger at the Kruger National Park said to us. After an entire day, traipsing around on foot with hime, tracking elephant dung and lions, we headed back to camp at sunset. As we got out of our vehicle, we noticed some loud America tourists taking pictures us holding hands. A bunch of kids of mixed ethnicity, holding hands was illegal back then.

“This is what we are striving for!” one of our English facilitators remarked.
“No,” our very Afrikaans guide Johan said, “The day we are striving for, is the day when no one notices.”
As a teenager that was one of the most profound things I had ever heard. It stays with me to this day and I strive to achieve that level of thinking in my life. The day we are striving for is when it ceases to be a novelty, when a person is a person and we are not arguing about rugby quotas and BEE.

The second experience on the trip, that stuck out for me on that trip was a facilitator, Jill, who was telling us about her trips to the US. She had attended several sporting events and political rallies and she commented on how patriotic the Americans were. How the held there hands over there hearts and sang their anthem with tears rolling down their faces.

“That is the day we are striving for!” she commented. At the time, I can honestly say, looking at the old Suid Afrikaanse flag, that I felt no sense of loyalty, zero sense of pride. My friends and I commented on how we could never see that day happening in a hundred years.

But fortunately, I was wrong. In 1995 when South Africa faced off the All Blacks in the Rugby World Cup final, I remember sitting in a crowded lounge surrounded by raucous varsity mates. I remember Nelson Mandela coming out to his seat with Francois Pienaar’s No. 6 Springbok jersey. Tear welled in my eyes. Our saw our new flag flying proud and I cried as the anthem was sung. I realised that that was the day. The day when we could hold our hands over our hearts and sing with pride.
And here we are again, 12 years later (can you believe) in a World Cup final. I can't even contain my excitement. Today, I choke up every time our anthem is sung. I see our boys singing, hands on mighty chests and I beam with pride. What a time we live in? What a time?

I want to say: "bring it home boys, bring it home" - but you know? They already have.
_____________________________________________________________

Comments

October 19, 2007 - 18:25 — Dolce
Aw Fluts
I think someone should send them this link....

October 19, 2007 - 13:57 — Spoegs
Flutter - The Lemonade Game
This is pretty amazing - I went on Edutrain too. What's happened to the whole initiative? Have you kept in toch with any of the people that you went with? What was your highest score on the lemonade game?

October 19, 2007 - 14:06 — Flutter
Spoegs...
I went on the 10th Edutrain and we travelled around the 'Transvaal'. We didn't play the lemonade game sadly (what was it?) Which one did you go on and where?
Small world, ain't it. Did keep in touch with a few people when I got to varsity but then lost touch. I have googles several people but no luck. Not sure what happened to the initiative but I figured when the new government took over, they felt their work was done.

October 20, 2007 - 10:41 — nossie
Fluts
Its really sad that one looses touch with people from our past but then again, we have all moved on and if you ever met any of them again, you'de probably spend an hour doing the "when we were..." thing and after that having nothing much to talk about.
Try this link to find friends...
fiind friends

October 19, 2007 - 14:29 — Spoegs
Lemonade Game
Was a simple computer game where you had to sell lemonade into the market. You had to adjust variables such as lemon content sugar content etc based on the temperature and the prices that other competitors were selling the stuff into the market at. You competed to see who generated the highest profit.

October 19, 2007 - 14:35 — Flutter
Jeez Spoegs...
That was very different to the games we played. Our focus was social issues, then the environment and politics. We did watch some Clem Santer videos (the economic guru of the era) but that was it. I guess they were responding to different things depending on the socio-economic and political climate in SA at the time. Makes sense I guess.

October 19, 2007 - 14:40 — Spoegs
Social Issues
Ja we also concentrated on the social issues etc. Real eye opener was the refugee camps on the Moz/RSA/Kruger Park Border. Speaking of Clem I still have to ask him how his (and his teams) scenario planning techniques never foresaw the copper price increase and Anglo pulled out of Zambia just before the price went through the roof.

October 19, 2007 - 14:47 — Spoegs
Fluts - KC's Hair?
I see that KC's doing something with her hair - is it the hair on her head or other hair. If its other hair do you think she'll post pictures?

October 19, 2007 - 14:52 — Flutter
Those mission stations
Were horrendous. Now instead on Moz, its Zim. Eish!
KC's hair? Have no idea but she will most likely post pics.
I bought a giant top hat today, in the colours of the SA flag - very festive... and it coveres my hair..

October 19, 2007 - 14:59 — Spoegs
I bought beer in green bottles!
I reckon it the best way you can support the boks - green bottles!!!

October 19, 2007 - 15:16 — Flutter
Spoegs
That's a mighty fine idea and sounds like you have already started.
I got this hat to go with my green bottles..

October 20, 2007 - 10:42 — nossie
Fluts
Put the hat on THEN send the photo!!

October 19, 2007 - 15:25 — Spoegs
Now thats a hat
Not so good for keeping the sun off your face but atleast your head won't get cold and everyone will know who you're supporting!

October 19, 2007 - 15:27 — Flutter
Ja Spoegs
An if things get really out of hand I can just pull it downover my face :-)

October 19, 2007 - 15:31 — Spoegs
Water colllecting
Ja and if your taps fail you can also collect water in the hat.

October 19, 2007 - 15:55 — Flutter
Mostly Spoegs...
I'm gonna be hiding my Windhoeks up there. Plus, it's gonna be hot tomorrow. Very, very hot.

October 19, 2007 - 15:58 — Spoegs
I hear you.
Hot and sweaty baby, hot and sweaty

October 19, 2007 - 16:03 — Spoegs
Flutter - One Last Question
Must duck now, but I was wandering - do you get belly button fluff? If so what colour is it usually?
Have a great weekend
Spoegs

October 19, 2007 - 16:11 — Flutter
Spoegs...
I can honesty say, no one's every asked me that before. You are the first!
No, sadly, I am not blessed with belly button fluff. Think I should take the matter up with Belly Button Fairy. But thank you for asking.
Enjoy the rugby and have a good weekend.
PS: See if you can get Arbie to talk to us, ok?!

October 19, 2007 - 14:09 — Spoegs
Flutter
Can't remember the number but the Route was Lebowagomo, Citrus farming area up north, Kruger Park etc. Went in 1991.

October 19, 2007 - 14:13 — Flutter
Hey Spoegs...
We did the same route! I did it in '89 and my bro was lucky enough do it in '90. Awesome experience wasn't it?
Have you managed to keep in touch with people?

October 19, 2007 - 14:17 — Spoegs
Flutter - Not really
Not kept in touch with anyone. Some of the people who were on the train were either kids of influential people or have pursued quite public careers so sometimes hear of either them of their folks on the net, news or business articles etc. One of the girls on the train appears in an advert on TV from time to time - Not really keeping in touch though.

October 19, 2007 - 14:22 — Spoegs
Experience was great though
In response to your initial question the experience was great though. Thinking back it was quite a thing for black and white kids to be sharing facilities and stuff, although I can't really remember it being an issue for us on the train. You just did stuff - like played the lemonade game and stuff. Glad I'm sticking to my aim for the day of using the word stuff a lot.

October 19, 2007 - 14:25 — Flutter
Spoegs..
Pretty much the same, alot of the kids in my group where influential people's kids (from rather exclusive private schools). I think your trip was sponsored by Richards Bay Minerals??

October 19, 2007 - 14:25 — Spoegs
Can't remember
It was definitely one of the mining houses though.

October 19, 2007 - 14:28 — Flutter
Would be interesting to see...
how many leaders they helped produce. It certainly shaped my future in a big way. No coming from the private school background though - I did feel like a bit of an outsider on the trip initially and it was interesting to see the racial divides when we chose cabin quarters. But in the end - everything changed... well for most everyone. We had some die hard right wingers..

October 19, 2007 - 13:44 — marijayn
wow fluts...
...this is so beautiful!
you brought tears to my eyes too man!

October 19, 2007 - 14:08 — Flutter
Marijayn...
It brought tears to my eyes just thinking about it.
I drove around the city centre at lunch and amazing how many people are kitted out in sprinbok colours. Such an awesome atmostphere everywhere. Quite something...

October 19, 2007 - 12:31 — kachasu
lovely flutter
really extraordinary.
moving.
i still can't quite shake the Lucky Dube cloud, but this made me feel pretty ok. or maybe that's the pills kicking in?

October 19, 2007 - 12:38 — Flutter
KC...
Ja, I know it's mixed emotions today. Some 'clever' buggers have called on supporters to ban the World Cup to draw attention to the crime in SA. I am not really sure 44 million angry supporters is the way to achieve that.
I just wish our government officials would fucking wake up already! It's getting out of hand. We have such a wonderful country with unlimited potential. Hell we managed a polical transformation without violence - this should be a cinge. I thought when Tokyo's wife was hijacked - someone would do something but alas I am not sure what is going to be enough .

October 19, 2007 - 12:24 — Vapour
Flutts
you are something else, *Mwah*

October 19, 2007 - 12:32 — Flutter
Vaps...
Is that a compliment? ;-)
*mmmwwhaaa!*

October 19, 2007 - 12:21 — Semisweet
Flutter
Reading this has given me 'chicken-flesh' or 'goose-bumps' or whatever you wanna call it.
My heart swells with pride as well.
Good luck to the Bokke.

October 19, 2007 - 12:33 — Flutter
Ja, ain't it just wonderful...
32 hours and counting....

October 19, 2007 - 11:20 — Dusty Muffin
Flutts
You got me all choked up now too.
Lovely post, thank you.

October 19, 2007 - 11:24 — Flutter
Thanks Dust...
I think today should be a public holiday or something. I am watching my colleagues in a meeting talking about rugby instead of the project at hand.. hee hee..
I think I am going to have a beer at lunch... just to get in the mood you understand.

October 19, 2007 - 11:27 — Dusty Muffin
BAD GIRL!
I should join you.
Too much work
*sigh*

October 19, 2007 - 11:29 — Flutter
Hey Dust...
I haven't forgotten about meeting round 'the common'. Its just so windy these days. Nothing stopping us from doing a coffee or something sometime?

October 19, 2007 - 11:34 — Dusty Muffin
Flutts
Coffee's good. But exercise is critical: summer's on its way, and this bod needs to lose its insulation before exposure to the general public!

October 19, 2007 - 11:38 — Flutter
Dusty...
I have enough blubber to last me through a winter in the Arctic. Eish!
Mail me : flutteronblogmark@yahoo.co.uk

A little sex on the brain

2007-10-03T22:25:00.000+02:00

Disclaimer: I wrote this myself, unless you think it's complete shite, in which case you can just skip ahead to that next blog - ok.

WARNING: This is a masturbation-free blog.

I hear some of you groaning in disappointment. Please stop that!

It's been 99 days since I last had sex ok - yes, I counted. So I'm feeling a little deprived at the moment, especially seeing as Adminguy left me in the lurch the other night. More so since it's spring and just about every bloody blogger seems to have gratuitous sex on the brain.

So desperate was this blogger that I was almost tempted pick up some guy for the night, during a recent girls night out. Shear lust alone was unfortunately not enough to override my delicate sensibilities. For I realised at that sex wasn't really what I was after.

It was the intimacy that I craved. Sure I was a little horny, but it is the connectedness that I needed. The oneness with another body that is indescribable. It has to be felt. I also realised I was not ready. Having ended a relationship (of sorts), my confidence has taken a bit if a knock. I was not quite sure a night of mindless ecstasy would be enough repair things on that front.
Sitting at the bar on Saturday night, watching the 'pick-up' show unfold, I wondered about my relationship with sex. For me sex has mostly been about an emotional connection. It always feels rather soulless without it. Sex is a miraculous act that has the ability to cheer one up, patch up a little bout of insecurity, or loneliness, fix a bad day t work, help you feel loved, pampered, cared for. Sometimes admittedly, it has been just horniness, a physical release and beats working out at the gym or cold showers.

I wonder about how it is possible to have great sex with someone you donâ€™t care about, and terrible sex with someone you love. About how one sexual partner can feel emotionally connected, and the other not? How is it, that we can sometimes delude ourselves into believing that great sex equals an emotional connection? That in a pheromone induced state we can convince ourselves that this is a basis on which to found a relationship. I wonder how many of my youthful relationships were really founded on lust. I've seen extra marital affairs start on this basis and it isn't too long before they realise that the dynamic of the relationship is purely lust.
I was thinking about how bizarre an act of sex really is, if you think about it abstractly for a moment. I struggle to imagine some people having sex. A client and his wife have three kids, who I believe are a result of artificial insemination. Imagining them 'doing the deed' would be akin to watching a turtle mating with a penguin. I can't imagine it. I do not see any sensuality, intimacy, connectedness or love in their relationship. Not that any of those things need to be present for good sex. It is just 'a nice to have' - right?

One of my favourite songs by Bruce Springsteen.
Human Touch
You and me we were the pretenders
We let it all slip away
In the end what you donâ€™t surrender
Well the world just strips away
Girl, ainâ€™t no kindness in the face of strangers
Ainâ€™t gonna find no miracles here
Well you can wait on your blesses my darling
I got a deal for you right here
I ainâ€™t looking for praise or pity
I ainâ€™t coming â€™round searching for a crutch
I just want someone to talk to
And a little of that human touch
Just a little of that human touch
Ainâ€™t no mercy on the streets of this town
Ainâ€™t no bread from heavenly skies
Ainâ€™t nobody drawing wine from this blood
Itâ€™s just you and me tonight
Tell me, in a world without pity
Do you think what Iâ€™m askinâ€™s too much
I just want something to hold on to
And a little of that human touch
Just a little of that human touch
Oh girl that feeling of safety that you prize
Well it comes at a hard hard price
You canâ€™t shut off the risk and the pain
Without losing the love that remains
Weâ€™re all riders on this train
So youâ€™ve been broken and youâ€™ve been hurt
Show me somebody who ainâ€™t
Yeah, I know I ainâ€™t nobodyâ€™s bargain
But, hell, a little touch up and a little paint...
You might need something to hold on to
When all the answers, they donâ€™t amount to much
Somebody that you could just to talk to
And a little of that human touch
Baby, in a world without pity
Do you think what Iâ€™m askinâ€™s too much
I just want to feel you in my arms
Share a little of that human touch
Feel a little of that human touch
Give me a little of that human touch
_________________________________________________________________

Comments

October 4, 2007 - 17:27 — Dolce
P.S. Fluts
loved this blog - especially the disclaimer. And DS's confessions about fellatio. (I reckon it's a control thing for him too.)

I know what you mean. I want to have the kind of growly, annihilistic, wicked sex I fantasize about, but I want it in the safety of a relationship that's about more than getting your rocks off. Someone I can also have really tender, soft sex with too.

But it's kinda gotta be mutual and I find that sexual compatability is really hard to find. So the relationship had better be worth it.

The sex rarely is.

And yeah. My bed is feeling a little cold at the moment. I could do with some human touch!

October 4, 2007 - 21:09 — Flutter
Thanks D..
I too enjoy adventurous sex but in the safety of a relationship and find get your rocks off really overrated. And finding a compatible sexual partner is quite a challenge. Of course finding a compatible partner is harder in itself.

October 4, 2007 - 17:39 — ds
dolce, of course it's a control thing
i pretty much said it was, no?
the question for me is, what isn't?

October 4, 2007 - 17:43 — Dolce
Sorry DS
been skim reading a bit.
I'm not dissing that, I also have control issues - which is why a lot of my imaginings involve either being in total control, or having control taken away from me. The question for me; is losing control such a terrible thing? And why do I need it? Like Fluts and Mort said, it's about not being good at being vulnerable. But I think the hardest hardest part about being human is learning to be vulnerable against the odds of being hurt or what ever out of control means.

October 4, 2007 - 17:51 — ds
dolce
"But I think the hardest hardest part about being human is learning to be vulnerable against the odds of being hurt or what ever out of control means."
being "the meek" is massively overrated...especially in a relationship...
so a little psychology... apparently what the female hysteric desires is not just a master, but a good master...like jane eyre...a master who would follow her advice

October 4, 2007 - 17:58 — Dolce
ShAheeesh, DS
So vulnerable for you =meek? I don't even know how to start with that on, except to say, haven't you ever just let yourself be yourself with someone. Even your mum or a close family friend. Someone who you let see the hurt places. The places you maybe don't like so much?
Or maybe you're just pulling my leg.
Who knows anymore.
And ja, like that jazz song (and I'm paraphrasing) "A man chases a woman until she catches him".

October 4, 2007 - 18:07 — ds
lol @ dolce
not my mum...that bitch is dangerous.
but ja, with my 'other' there is a closeness...and there i am not vulnerable or meek...just me. and in her i find one of the sources of my power...so i don't need to fall to rise.

October 4, 2007 - 18:14 — ds
although
even here...things are not exactly as they appear...

October 4, 2007 - 18:18 — Dolce
they never are
Mr Stoned. And being part of the great fluid wave of time and space and energy, they won't be the same tomorrow.
But that's the fun part, ain't it!

October 4, 2007 - 17:42 — morticia
books and coffee ds
when i am in company and the whole bloody bucket of dialogue is sloppy sex... i wonder:
"feckin hey man... dont these okes have books and coffee? is this ALL they do?"

October 4, 2007 - 17:45 — ds
haha
-

October 4, 2007 - 17:55 — morticia
i'm serious ds!
i'm becoming quite puritanical lately - the mystery is lost man - it's been done to death. you seen the frigging smirnoff ice ad or the dulux one? the whole freakin planet is sexually obsessed.

i went through a hectic phase of self doubt, resulting rebellion and total sexual apathy - because there was such enormous focus on the 'healthy norm' - the ' if you dont, he'll look elsewhere'... WTF? you get whores who are paid to shag you and then pay your bills and cook your dinner?

poor diablo walked about like a fecking vervet for months - punished and denied for something he didnt have anything to do with! lol! funnier to me than him, i tell you!
now it's like having a shit - i do it when i need to - but i dont make diary entries about it or compare notes with my mates over scones and cream.

October 4, 2007 - 18:01 — ds
mort
you absolutely correct...the catholic confessional made public...we not healthy unless we talking about sex...or our sexuality. i think there are real political reasons for this...which i won't bore you with...
but its a particular imaginary about sexual relations that often has very little to do with the real struggles in which sexuality is caught...
if you interested in this get Foucault's history of sexuality...i have only read the first volume, but it was very useful

October 4, 2007 - 18:09 — morticia
ds/dolce
ds: thanks for the tip - will try to find it at my local used book dealer. thanks goodness you get it - i was starting to think i was off track with that!
dolce - thanks for that! i just realised that i'm pretty darned lucky - i have THREE people i can do that with, and they have that freedom with me, i think. i couldnt possibly do it with family, in any form... but i've just been reminded that i should be more grateful for my 'no-blood' family additions!

October 4, 2007 - 18:26 — Dolce
Mort
yeah. I've got a couple too. More than I deserve.
Sleep tight and sweet dreams cherubs....
Good evening and good night...

October 4, 2007 - 18:23 — ds
mort
that i get it...ja, that's not an indication that you on the right track...perhaps the contrary

October 4, 2007 - 18:26 — morticia
nah ds...
i'm happy to settle for your track... makes sense

October 4, 2007 - 18:17 — Dolce
Maybe we're so sex obsessed
because we're doomed. Some species lay eggs or breed like, like...ah fekkit...like bunnies when they are under threat. Maybe we're just in our last, final, pre-extinction shagathon....
I need a glass of vino.
Jo'burg is so pretty at sunset.

October 4, 2007 - 18:25 — morticia
maybe vaps can give us the answer
it might have something to do with increased vibrational energy, pre planetary shift and the big boom... the sexual fervour seems to coincide with a tendency towards violence etc.
maybe people just read less. or maybe we're so desperate for any form of connection that
oh stuff that... maybe i need a shot!

October 4, 2007 - 19:00 — Vapour
The answer is
written in the blood, hurt, longing, tears and laughter of my fellow bloggers. It is right here in front of us, spoken through MJ, Mort, Flutts, Nossie, sundays, Ricegirl, Val, Semi, DS, Hiddy, KC, Arbs, Frallie, GM, Dusts, Ramon and Deksel (and anyone else who brings themselves here). There is no quick fix or summation that can encompass that which has been written down. It's the discourse of this place that is so shockingly beautiful, that makes me get up and walk outside and gasp. Under it perhaps is the need not so much to be loved, but to love and for that love to be looked forward to by another. And thatâ€™s all I want to say about that.

October 4, 2007 - 19:02 — kachasu
no, it's not
the answer is 42

October 4, 2007 - 19:03 — Vapour
Hahaha KC
nothing wrong with your memory!

October 4, 2007 - 18:26 — ds
haha
my partners father is staying with us tonight...so i can't smoke weed until he goes to bed...sucks big time.
anyway, i have chicken curry on the stove...i'll check in later

October 4, 2007 - 18:19 — ds
ironiclly it's the pollution
that makes it pretty
;)

October 4, 2007 - 18:23 — Dolce
I'm disappointed though
that we didn't get a corker of a thunderstorm today. I love them.
This reminds me. I must blog about an article I read on how to be happy. Have you heard of the Bhutan (sp) Gross National Happiness programme? Fekkin' fascinating.

October 3, 2007 - 23:39 — ds
sex
i dunno, for reasons that i don't really understand i am a little ambivalent to the emotional world of sex. In fact, the my deepening of my emotional connections with women have often run parallel to the waning of the sexual connection. or at least from my side. the women that are most desirable (for me) are those that stand outside my immediate reach (but they have to be hot, or at least have something about them). I am most happy (at least in this respect) when expressing myself sexually through a series of random encounters that last only as long as the first immaculate moment of recognition (usually just after you come together). i have been told this means i have "issues". i dunno.
On the other hand, i live a monogamous life as the price of having found my other (and never (again) doing something to fuck that up ). so ja sex is overrated

October 3, 2007 - 23:45 — dex
hmmm... ds
I think you need to go down more often.
;)

October 4, 2007 - 00:50 — ds
lol @ dex
indeed. so one of my stranger idiosyncrasies is that i don't like blow jobs, but i love going down on women. In fact, in another phase of my sexual career, it marked an important moment in my late adolescent courtship routine. see, upon the first opportunity that presented itself i would proceed to go down on my "new friend", taking great pleasure in bringing her to a violent climax. Then, with stoic restraint, i would defer penetration or even allow her to reciprocate the (oral) gesture (in fact the further she was from my organ the better). Instead, i would promptly find a reason to leave (even if i didn't want to), or if she was at my place i would excuse myself and go work in another room...my manner self-consciously warm but distant. The point was the asymmetry of the moment of recognition (which perhaps allows it to be prolonged)... and maybe even a cruel strategy to force her to begin questioning herself. This, and my distaste of blow jobs, is probably about my need to always define the terms of my sexual encounters...to always be in control (this is why it would have never worked out between us, dex). Anyway it made for an explosive second date, which was rarely followed by a third (well, unless she didn't want a third date...the women who are most successful at holding my attention (sexually) are also those who are the most indifferent to my limited charms).

October 4, 2007 - 09:35 — morticia
you and me both ds
i'm pretty much the same - in reverse. oral just doesnt blow my hair back... it's a vulnerable position to be in, and it somehow ' debases' the performer for me - makes them a little too eager to please.

i could attribute my perceptions to the fact that my initial sexual encounters were all about seeking power, and validation... but truthfully, i'm not sure about it all.
i am also most captivated by those who are indifferent - and while i have taken the same stance on commitment and balance in my own relationship, i am largely impervious to what my partner has to offer in the sexual sense. at times, i regret not being able to be captivated completely - because diablo certainly deserves adoration and power. perhaps he enjoys being challenged after all this time - the work in progress that i am.

nor do i confuse intimacy with the sexual act. i concede that the experience is enhanced by a spiritual connection, as the ladies have said, but i honestly wonder if we lose our ability to simply connect in a platonic embrace, curled into one another and sharing breath, without the complication or the pressure of culmination.
i have experienced life changing intimacy with members of the opposite sex and the same, whom i have never feasted on sexually.

conversely, i am seldom 'spiritually connected or comforted emotionally' during the sexual act... i may at times use it as a spiritual energy source - with intent, but never the fuzzy feelings saga.

i watched a doccie about a mormon man and his nine wives last week, fully prepared to sneer and condemn, rant about the abuse of feminine rights and religious conditioning. strangely, i was filled with empathy, still convinced that there was a measure of brainwashing, and unconvinced that the husband didnt have lustful intentions, rather than spiritual, but i was in awe of the wives - the love and compassion and strength - their devotion to one another and all the children. he was almost inconsequential in their daily lives - a provider and protector more than anything else. how can they live with the principle of shared conjugal privilege?
i guess they dont consider sex to be that important - there are other ways to be validated, loved, comforted, treasured. lawd knows... i couldnt live their life - but i certainly surprised myself with my reactions!

hmmm. come to think of it (npi)... i havent done the deed for two weeks. time to get my act together - no wonder diablo is leering and hinting lately!

October 4, 2007 - 09:50 — Flutter
DS & Mort..
I think we each have our own little quirks in the bedroom I guess. I don't have DS's hangups but like veryone I have certain preferences. Positions and acts that about dominace and strength do nothing for me. Personally I think those acts stem from huge issues/insecurities that people can only act out privately. I am a hugger, a cuddler, I like skin on skin and eye contact is very important. Seeing my partner turned on - is perhaps my single biggest turn-on.
Morty, so Diablo didn't get any for your anniversary? Jeez lady! Stop tormenting the poor oke and give him a little action wilya ;-)

October 4, 2007 - 16:53 — ds
fluts
so you think i have issues too? ...driven by my insecurities nog al. haha maybe you right

October 4, 2007 - 16:54 — ds
on the other hand
maybe sex is simply war by other means

October 4, 2007 - 17:06 — Flutter
DS..
By the number of questions posed in my blog - its clear I am confused myself. Although a few things you've said suggest to me that you have some issues. What is it exactly about oral sex that turns you off? Is it that you are not a good taker or that you like the power of giving without receiving anything in return? Or perhaps that you don't allow yourself to let go?
Sex? a war? I am pretty sure it shouldn't be. It's about being comfortable with giving and receiving for me. Again same issue I think - control, letting go??

October 4, 2007 - 17:26 — ds
fluts
what i don't understand is why its me that has "issues". Is it not perhaps that your perception is a romanticization. I am not saying that it is...but it strikes my that the hollywood narrative of human relations misses the fact that most sexual relations are deeply invested in power relations...whether acknowledged or not. One of the few poets i like (baudelaire), once suggested that all romantic entanglements have the nature of surgery...since one person is always being operated on, while someone else is doing the operating (and these roles often shift). i have to say, this way of seeing things, however jaded, is surprisingly close to my experience of the reality of human sexual relations.

October 4, 2007 - 19:54 — Flutter
DS..
... (in fact the further she was from my organ the better). Instead, i would promptly find a reason to leave (even if i didn't want to), or if she was at my place i would excuse myself and go work in another room...my manner self-consciously warm but distant.

DS I am no expert by the lengths to which you go to ensure a woman stays away from your 'organ' suggests some issues. Perhaps we need a guys view on this? Anyone? I could just be me but wouldn't it just be easier to have a conversation about sex, preferences etc. with your partner than have to duck 'n dive?

And no I don't think I romanticize sex - few woman romaticize fellatio let me tell you. It's more about pleasing and being pleased. I am also not terribly romantic in the bedroom (i've been told). For me personally it has little to do with power although I have know people to use sex as a means of obtaining/keeping power in a relationship. More often than not - women. I do agree that power is a big part of sex - it just does nothing for me.

Baudelaire has some twisted poetry about necrophillia and incest if memory serves (I have a book here somewhere) so I am not quite sure he is the best reference material. I find it hard to believe that you would compare your sexual experiences to surgery. It sounds awfully clinical and dettached. But ja, those are my perception/experiences and I guess those are yours.

October 4, 2007 - 21:37 — ds
fluts
yep, that's my boy Baudelaire. i also love de Sade and Bataille (but also Miller and roth)....go figure
but i hope you did realize that my organ was brought into play...but only within the unfolding rhythms of the "game" (maybe this is what tantra is about). and yes it is a game...and one that i believed i played well...or at least with a kind of clinical self-consciousness that worked desire...mine and that of others with whom i have played. this always suited my better than the neurosis filled demands of 'romance'...the fragile fantasy life whose background, it seems to me, is of made out of the very stuff that i make explicit.
but i am glad you moved from the normative position in which 'i have issues'.

October 4, 2007 - 21:43 — Flutter
DS...
But you know you have issues right? ;-)

October 4, 2007 - 22:04 — ds
fluts
i'm not normal. for sure. some folk might even have 'cause to believe that i am dangerous. and maybe i am...but if i allow myself an idle boast...i also smart (or smarter than a lot of people i know) and i don't suffer a lies easily and therein is where i believe many "issues" reside(but i think you might understand what i mean here). but yeah, i have issues. don't we all
thanks for the blog...it was fun

October 3, 2007 - 22:43 — Vapour
Flutts
the problem is that you are far too bright and sharp and witty. I enjoy your writing immensly, I really do. The questions that fall out of me are many.

October 3, 2007 - 22:51 — Flutter
Questions?
Thanks Vaps. I enjoy your writing too.

October 3, 2007 - 22:56 — Vapour
Flutts
so do you think it is the human that needs the sex and the spirit that needs the closeness?

October 3, 2007 - 23:05 — Flutter
Vaps..
I think we're fundementally animals. Our need for sex has evolved from a need to procreate to a recreation activity. We are social being - much like monkeys - caring, grooming, cuddling, asserting dominance, prowesss, strength, hierachy etc - is all very primal. Basically we're primates really.
That being said. It's incredible enjoyable and I do believe that the spirit would wither without closeness. I read an artical the other day that said single people would live alone are more prone to depression, illness and inactivity. I believe it. Also I used to do some work with sick kids and it's amazing how much quicker they recover with a little 'human touch'.

October 3, 2007 - 23:27 — Vapour
Ok Flutts
but if you need a touch or two, you know I'd be there in a jiffy (pun intended).
"Colour me your colour, baby
Colour me your car
Colour me your colour, darling
I know who you are
Come up off your colour chart
I know where you're coming from
Call me (call me) on the line
Call me, call me any, anytime
Call me (call me) my love
You can call me any day or night
Call me"
Hehehehe

October 4, 2007 - 09:35 — Flutter
Blondie Vaps?
Ooo-oo-oo-oo-oo, he speaks the languages of love
Ooo-oo-oo-oo-oo, amore, chiamami, chiamami
Ooo-oo-oo-oo-oo, appelle-moi mon cherie, appelle-moi
Anytime, anyplace, anywhere, any way
Anytime, anyplace, anywhere, any day-ay
Call me (call me) my love
Call me, call me any, anytime
Call me (call me) for a ride
Call me, call me for some overtime
Call me (call me) my love
Call me, call me in a sweet design
You're giving away you age china :-)

October 3, 2007 - 23:14 — Flutter
That gave me an idea Vaps...
Added thesong lyrics 'Human Touch' to my blog.
I gotta go back to work now. *sighhh!
Night all!

October 3, 2007 - 22:28 — kachasu
every time i have had sex
it's been for an emotional reason.

October 3, 2007 - 22:33 — Flutter
An emotional reason...
But have you always had an emotional connection with the person?

October 3, 2007 - 22:40 — marijayn
the best kind of sex
is when you have a spiritual connection...

October 3, 2007 - 22:50 — Flutter
Yes MJ...
Now if I can just find that spiritual connection...
I would be less frustrated :-)

October 3, 2007 - 22:56 — marijayn
hahaha
flutts,
you're thinking sometimes just finding a partner is hard, let alone the spircon right?
trust me, having a partner and no sc can be equally trying...

October 3, 2007 - 23:07 — Flutter
Ouch MJ...
Point taken. Been there done that and it didn't last long. It is very very trying.

It's the paths I choose that count

2007-09-18T23:30:00.000+02:00

_________________________________________________________
Comments:
September 19, 2007 - 13:34 — Frallie
Flutts...
Awesome photos. And a really cool concept - would make for a cool book hey.

September 19, 2007 - 08:54 — Dolce
Those Markets, Flutts
are so unbelievably amazing. But the fruit and meat ones are a bit of an assault to the senses.

September 19, 2007 - 09:50 — Flutter
Dolce I remember those ...

Yep! That be fly paper. And the little black things? They be flies.

Dried shrimp anyone?

September 19, 2007 - 00:01 — dex
Flutsy
Nice pics - cool theme, too.
Now: how about some more snaps of those toes?

September 19, 2007 - 10:09 — Flutter
Only because Dex asked so nicely..
Some strange toes..

September 19, 2007 - 10:14 — dex
niiiiiice fluts
you should try and keep them warm though.
brrr.

The meeting

2007-09-14T09:55:00.000+02:00

It’s 10am and as I tuck into my breakfast at the Swan Hotel in Siam Square, Bangkok, a handsome stranger saunters out of the men’s room.
“You’re not what I expected” I exclaim almost choking on a mouthful.
“You’re not either!” he says beaming back at me.
We hug, a sweaty hug. It’s already about 28 degrees and fast rising. Not the ideal weather to be running around Bangkok in this clandestine getup.

Ramon

And just like that girls and boys, Flutter got to meet the legendary Ramona and an entire day with him. Details to follow…

Tired

2007-08-22T11:15:00.000+02:00

So I am wondering what the point of my life is today. Having zero interest in being married, having kids and with work which is becoming unchallenging, tedious and draining. I feel like I am just living for the 'next thing'. Dinner with friends (whom I am truly blessed with), a massage, a concert, a play, a holiday, the next relationship, the same mistakes. The simple pleasures and empty spaces in between just so devoid of energy – emotional or otherwise. I am overwhelmed with this bone deep tiredness pervading every cell of me that constantly emits this deep, silent, groan.

Just so fucking tired.

Where were you, and what were you doing in 1978?

2007-07-20T12:55:00.003+02:00

A little nostalgia and Friday silliness...

I was five years old and going off to nursery school - very grudgingly if I recall.

A dimly lit future with sharp obstacles

2007-07-17T10:37:00.000+02:00

"My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there." Charles F Kettering

I came across this quote yesterday while going through some old boxes along with this one, "Fear not for the future, weep not for the past." by Percy Bysshe Shelly. Both struck a cord with me. I found them going through some boxes filled with musky old trinkets from my varsity days. It brought back memories of toga parties, getting drunk on a single can of cider and many sleepless nights. I remember desperately trying to etch out an identity for myself, to try to fit in and to find a cause to fight for. I remember watching Nelson Mandela speak in an overcrowded student hall crammed with almost two thousand students on a sweltering Durban day.

Thinking back now, I feel extremely privileged to be living through one of the greatest political transformations of our country’s history. Having just begun university just prior to Nelson Mandela being released from prison I remember it as an exciting time. The air charged with the prospect of change, apprehension, fear, uncertainty but mostly positivity and a general sense that finally we would be moving forward as a country.

One of my most vivid memories of my first year at university (pre-post-apartheid) was of my Dad driving me to school every morning on his way to work. The endless traffic and the long winding roads through lush overgrown stretches land. As I lapped in the scenery of giant jacaranda's, coral trees and the rising morning sun, the discussion was almost always exactly the same. There was a particular 5km stretch of road that surrounded the university grounds that raised the same heated comments every, single, day.

“This land use to be ours you know?” my Dad says pointing vigorously out the window. “They didn’t even pay us for the land!” he complained.
“Yes I know Dad” I say sympathetically.
”They just made us move!”
“Yes Dad, I know..” sighing
“ They didn’t even develop the land!” more sighing. ”Are your listening..?"
“Yes Dad...” more long sighs
“We use to live right over there! Between those two trees!” he says pointing to giant palm trees on the hill.
”I know Dad...” I say wondering exactly how it was possible that my father did not suffer from high blood pressure. Not at all surprised that my mother did.

And so it was the same almost every morning. The saddest thing was that the land was never used and remained vacant futher compounding the injury. Many were never paid for the land and if they were it was considerably lower than the market value. Save for three religious building and a crematorium, every home in Cator Manor was destroyed and thousands of families displaced. Hundreds of hard earned properties lost.

Today many years later, I watch as my father grapples with the social changes and mindsets of the new South Africa. He tries hard but some of the pain is still too deeply entrenched and I have come to realise may never be dispelled in his lifetime.

Our new democracy has afforded us many liberties but like my father many struggle with old wounds. Some attempts to heal old wounds have resulted in the infliction of new ones. Many have to reconcile themselves to that fact that they will never be any retribution or justice for past wrongs. That some wounds may never heal in this lifetime but perhaps in the generations to come. It is all very sad and frustrating.

I find myself wondering what sort of future we can look forward to in South Africa over the next 10 years? On a good day the horizon looks dimly lit and route there is littered with the sharpest of obstacles. Despite this I have to believe that our future is a good one or where does that leave me? I have to believe that we live in a good age.

Everything is possible.

Dodgy Doctors

2007-07-16T15:16:00.000+02:00

On Sunday I found myself reading the Sunday Times or the Sunday Tabloid as I like to call it. The Sunday Times is usually riddled with half investigated stories with gaping factual holes and blatant lies. I was mortified when I read this article however. Judging by the many names listed , this has to be true or the defamation law suits would be frightening.

Dodgy doctors: The G-string and other scandalous exploits

Here is the full list of doctors and their exploits.

Of particular interest to me was a neurologist, Dr J Reid who among many other things:

had a patient walk in a straight line in nothing but a g-string
performed internal pelvic exams which falls outside his scope as a neurologist
performed sexual and or intimate acts on his patients.

Sicko's!

What is this world coming to?

Infinite 8

2007-07-05T20:40:00.000+02:00

Frankly Wrankles issued a 'Power of 8’ challenge which Ramon and I have taken on, so here goes something.

My best friend R is obsessed with numerology, so much so that she has even written computer programmes to perform the calcultions. Simply punch in your date of birth and presto! - everything you need to know about yourself. Personally I would like to believe that I am a bit more complicated than a few digits.

Numerologists apparently consider the number 8 to be a very auspicious number, reinforced by many cultural myths over the centuries. Numerogically I am all about ‘8’ it would appear. I’m born on 24th August 1972.
3x8= 24
2x4=8
August is the 8th month of the year
born in ‘72
72 = 7+2= 9
9 x 8 = 72
1972 = 1+9+7+2 = 19
9-1=8

By the way, I have tagged 16 (2x8) people to date and for some strange reason my computer password always has to have 8 letters. It is in exactly 8 weeks from today that I will be in Thailand and would have hopefully met Ramon. Numerogically, I am supposed to be generally well balanced and positive?! Hmm?

Lying on it's side the number 8 is transformed into the mathematic infinity symbol. The definition of infinity states that: if you started walking towards a goal on an infinite horizon and you lived to be 1000 years old, you would be no closer to getting to that horizon than you were when you started 1000 years earlier. Depressing isn't it?

I have come to realise that I have to reconcile that certain things in our life that will always stay beyond my reach. No matter how hard I try and despite feeling it almost within my grasp, it will always elude me. I am no closer to it than when I started.

It is interesting how my desire for some goals consume me, drive me like the infinite repetitive action of a preprogrammed machine, without an off switch. Most of the time, I am not even aware that I do it. This action I have come to realise, does not propel me forward as a person. It is more a case of running on the spot. Stagnant and achieving no personal growth. I need to take lots of deep breaths and let some things go. Forever.

Other deeply personal insights into myself. When confronted with that whole is your figure “apple or pear shaped” question, I have often thought mine resembles more of a figure of 8. A clearly defined wide top and bottom and slightly thinner middle. I just wish it was a sightly leaner Arial Narrow kinda 8 rather than a Swis721 BlkEx BT kinda wide assed 8.

8 words I love the sound of:

scrumptious
squish
luscious
plush
tenderness
chocolate
delicious
provocative

8 words I dislike the sound of:

divulge
confounded
carob
placate
blob
plethora
throb
fat

8 of my favourite comfort foods

cereal and yogurt
tea and biscuits
strawberries dipped in honey
dark chocolate (cherry liqueur ones)
cheese and preserves
Windhoek Lager and Lays crisps
vanilla incream cone dipped in chocolate
fries with lots of salt, vinegar and tomato sauce (it has to be a really bad day)

8 of my favourite things.

Being out in the wild unspoilt areas of the world brings me enormous inner peace.
Trying new things for me is a bit like opening presents. I love trying new experiences, foods, books, places etc. I am a marketers dream.
Cooking. There’s something about sharing with and feeding people, nourishing them. It is a spirutual experience.
Shopping for presents is one of my most favourite things to do. Guilt free and theraputic I tell you. Its one of my most favourite things and one day I am going to make a profession out of it.
Driving. I love driving, doesn’t matter where or what I am going. May be a control issue but I enjoy it too much to think about it. May also have something to do with the fact that I love travelling and machines that get you from A to B.
Making a difference in this world is important to me. It one of the reasons I chose my career and I have the ability to changes the lives of people everyday – not just physically or environmentally. It is very rewarding.
Blogging - though I wish I had more time to indulge.
Sex – ditto

Other favourite things – my 8 iron. It’s a very forgiving club particularly when you strike the right person with it. Just kidding, although I have a choice individual in mind to whop with it. Here’s a little 8 iron golf humour…

Off the eight tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball. After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!
Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!"
"What's the matter?" Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.
"Bring me my wedge," Joe shouted. "You can't get out of here with an eight iron!"

And finally, my wish for every week: I wish for and eight day week with a three day weekend. The lyrics to Eight Days a Week by the Beatles. Is it just me or was life a lot simpler in the 60s?

Ooh I need your love babe,
Guess you know it’s true.
Hope you need my love babe,
Just like I need you.
Hold me, love me, hold me, love me.
Ain’t got nothin’but love babe,
Eight days a week...

Huggers and shakers

2007-06-28T17:03:00.000+02:00

For some obscure reason men in a business enviroment are under the misguided impression that women do not shake hands. While they are all too happy to grope our bottoms and other fiddly bits or cop a feel in a pub or club the threat of ‘sexual harassment’ makes us untouchable at work.

I recently stretched out my hand to greet a contractor only to have him look me blankly in the face as if to say:
“You women. Me no shake.”
“Its ok, I don’t bite!" I chirp him “... not unless you want me too” I want to add. He was a yummy male specimen but as with many good looking men, the attraction is completely lost about 30 seconds after they open there mouths. It soon became apparent that ‘Contractor Man’ had the IQ of a brick, making him drop significantly in status as thirtysomething alpha studmuffin. But I digress.

You can get a pretty good idea about people from their body language. How they hug or shake hands is a very good sign of inter-specie relations. From my extensive experience working in a male dominated environment, I can tell you that there are four primary types of ‘shakers’.

The bone crusher; an insecure male who has to make it clear from the outset that he is in charge. You might be the project manager but 'me alpha MAN you subservient WOMAN'.
The non-shaker; happy to stare at you breasts but will not touch you. A closet mysoginist who has probably had a case of sexual harrasment filed against him as some stage.
The limp handshaker. Frankly there is nothing worse than someone making you feel like a leper with scabies.
The enlightened male. Need I say more. Unfortunately only 0.001% of the male population fall into this category.

With the exception of handymen, I hug everyone who enters my home. Some handymen I want to hug and maybe even cop a feel but I exercise restraint. I am a hugger and unless you are my lover - I do not kiss on the lips. I have several friends who enjoy giving me a big smacker on the kisser and it totally freaks me out! Turning my cheek the last 100 times has not given them a clue either.

Now there are essentially 7 broad types of huggers:

The two feet apart patter-on-the-backer.
The full body contact groper – weird distant relatives and inebriated aquanitences usually.
The bone crushing bear hugger - those suffering from alpha male syndrome usually.
The warm fuzzy bunny hugger who is essentially a good hugger but holds on for a second to two longer than he or she should.
The dancing hugger – one who hugs you and sways you from side to side. Why do people do that? When combined with ‘warm fuzzy hugger’ its even worse.
The non hugger – one who despite all efforts simply thrust there hand out clearly indicating an infringement of personal space and some childhood trauma.
The just right hugger. Sadly here again only a very small percentage of the population fall into this category.

OK! I'll restrain myself now. Don’t even get me started on kissers!

It's family: no do-over required

2007-06-27T15:18:00.000+02:00

Ever wish you could repaint the canvas of your life or at the very least take back a harsh word or a stupid act? I think about it a lot lately. Would I make the same choices if I have to do it over?

I try not to live a life with regrets but some things forever haunt me. Whiplash words that have scarred and stained. Enraged actions that have crushed delicate bonds. Deep set wounding that can’t be taken back, smoothed over and repaired.

A few years ago after my Mom’s memorial service I got into a fight with my brother. Some awful things were said. Long overdue things that needed to be aired. Very painful to hear and say but necessary, very necessary. Amidst tears and rage I swore I would never speak to him again. I banished him from my life and I meant it too. For a few months that is, until some persistent paternal intervention forced a reconciliation. The old guilt card was played. “He’s your only sibling! You need family! Our family is very small.” And so it went.

So here we are last weekend, watching the All Blacks crunch South Africa in the dying minutes, a picture of my mom looking down at us from on high. Just like old times. No apologies, no do overs, just my partner in unspeakable childhood capers. My buddy. My bro.